I swore never to write any entries of a sexual nature in this journal, but alas, I cannot resist. I'd burn for all eternity if could have the sinful pleasures I so desire. If only there was a fantasy place where we were free to be any creature we wished. I would love to make love to him sheathed in immortal skin. I wish to fly through the darkness of night skies and seduce my prey. Pale, marble skin and crystal eyes flash in the moonlight. My jaws twitch at the smell of blood pumping through live flesh. I've always had these fantasies. It surprises me that even now I fantasize about such girlish notions. I can hear and feel the pulse of another existence beneath the surface of reality. I imagine him as an animalistic, powerful demon. He takes me in his arms, sinks his teeth into my flesh and orgasms beyond human comprehension explode throughout my entire body. Waves of desire and lust overpower all previous feelings of fear. Let go Melissa... Drift away to a secret, dark pit of sin. All the love of darkness filling my thoughts must mean something. It is so easy to romanticize the image of him. I've already changed him. Turned him into this powerful creature that really only exists in books and movies.
Tuesday, September 25, 2012
Found in an old journal
February 8, 2004
I swore never to write any entries of a sexual nature in this journal, but alas, I cannot resist. I'd burn for all eternity if could have the sinful pleasures I so desire. If only there was a fantasy place where we were free to be any creature we wished. I would love to make love to him sheathed in immortal skin. I wish to fly through the darkness of night skies and seduce my prey. Pale, marble skin and crystal eyes flash in the moonlight. My jaws twitch at the smell of blood pumping through live flesh. I've always had these fantasies. It surprises me that even now I fantasize about such girlish notions. I can hear and feel the pulse of another existence beneath the surface of reality. I imagine him as an animalistic, powerful demon. He takes me in his arms, sinks his teeth into my flesh and orgasms beyond human comprehension explode throughout my entire body. Waves of desire and lust overpower all previous feelings of fear. Let go Melissa... Drift away to a secret, dark pit of sin. All the love of darkness filling my thoughts must mean something. It is so easy to romanticize the image of him. I've already changed him. Turned him into this powerful creature that really only exists in books and movies.
I swore never to write any entries of a sexual nature in this journal, but alas, I cannot resist. I'd burn for all eternity if could have the sinful pleasures I so desire. If only there was a fantasy place where we were free to be any creature we wished. I would love to make love to him sheathed in immortal skin. I wish to fly through the darkness of night skies and seduce my prey. Pale, marble skin and crystal eyes flash in the moonlight. My jaws twitch at the smell of blood pumping through live flesh. I've always had these fantasies. It surprises me that even now I fantasize about such girlish notions. I can hear and feel the pulse of another existence beneath the surface of reality. I imagine him as an animalistic, powerful demon. He takes me in his arms, sinks his teeth into my flesh and orgasms beyond human comprehension explode throughout my entire body. Waves of desire and lust overpower all previous feelings of fear. Let go Melissa... Drift away to a secret, dark pit of sin. All the love of darkness filling my thoughts must mean something. It is so easy to romanticize the image of him. I've already changed him. Turned him into this powerful creature that really only exists in books and movies.
Studio kiss
Monday, September 17, 2012
Farm lover
Over the past two nights I've had some intense dreams. I feel like letting them out here. Last night I dreamed I was floating around on a pool raft naked looking for a place to tether myself so I could play with myself while floating. It was a warm, sunny afternoon and the wind in the trees was all I could hear. I was very afraid of being caught. I was floating around a flooded building outside. As if there had been a massive flood and the water level went up to the first floor inside and out. The water was clear and Caribbean blue. I had friends there floating and tethered taking naps. I had to avoid them for fear of being caught as well. There were demons on the roof and they were going to eat me if they found me.
This next dream is especially weird because it's about someone I've never met in person. Social networks on mobile devices and computers have brought a new way of communicating to the table for everyone using them. I have formed cyber relations in different places with tons of people all over the world. Mainly on sights that share photos. I have never dreamed of any of these people until the other night.
The night before last....
I dreamed it was dark and smelled of a storm front outside. There were wild flowers and tall grasses whipping in the wind making this oceanic sound. We were on a farm and the animals were really loud because they were getting spooked. The air was charged with electricity. I was with this man in the cab of a farm truck,we were under a soft, red blanket. He breathed on my neck and pushed his body close to spoon mine. My back was to him and he began kissing my shoulders and caressing my hips. He delicately pulled the shoulders of my night gown down to reveal my back. I could feel his breath on my spine which made me shudder and writhe. I felt his calloused hands start to explore my thighs as he said my name into my ear. My night gown was being pulled up to my waist and he gripped it tight so as to hold me in place. I felt the fabric stretch across my belly as he pressed his manhood against my round, delicious ass. I wasn't supposed to be with him. He was off limits. I felt him grip a handful of my hair. He slowly pulled at it hard at the scalp as he played with my body. I couldn't help but let him. I wanted him intensely. I turned over to kiss his mouth for the first time. I had been fantasizing about this very moment for months. I ran my tongue just barely along his lower lip as he drank of my full, beautiful mouth. He cupped my breasts in his hands and twisted my nipples between his fingers while pressing his knee at my most secret place. Once he registered the moisture he knew I was ready. We looked into each others eyes and lightening blasted at full volume close by. He flipped me back over and pushed his huge cock into me while holding me tight and warm. It was the most incredible feeling ever. I pushed him away and out. I turned over and took the red blanket and hid underneath it. I explored with my hands to find what I wanted. I licked my lips and slowly began to take him into my mouth. The sounds he made were so sweet. Suddenly we heard people running toward the truck and we had to stop. I woke up melting into my covers alone in my night gown trying to think of a way to get back to the dream. I figure it's closest to the perfect lover I'm going to get. They're always so attentive and sexy in your dreams you know? You do not have to teach them how to do things right (not that there's anything wrong with that). They just know you, because it is you. Yet it is you in the form of your dream lover. How sweet that was. I want to go back.
This next dream is especially weird because it's about someone I've never met in person. Social networks on mobile devices and computers have brought a new way of communicating to the table for everyone using them. I have formed cyber relations in different places with tons of people all over the world. Mainly on sights that share photos. I have never dreamed of any of these people until the other night.
The night before last....
I dreamed it was dark and smelled of a storm front outside. There were wild flowers and tall grasses whipping in the wind making this oceanic sound. We were on a farm and the animals were really loud because they were getting spooked. The air was charged with electricity. I was with this man in the cab of a farm truck,we were under a soft, red blanket. He breathed on my neck and pushed his body close to spoon mine. My back was to him and he began kissing my shoulders and caressing my hips. He delicately pulled the shoulders of my night gown down to reveal my back. I could feel his breath on my spine which made me shudder and writhe. I felt his calloused hands start to explore my thighs as he said my name into my ear. My night gown was being pulled up to my waist and he gripped it tight so as to hold me in place. I felt the fabric stretch across my belly as he pressed his manhood against my round, delicious ass. I wasn't supposed to be with him. He was off limits. I felt him grip a handful of my hair. He slowly pulled at it hard at the scalp as he played with my body. I couldn't help but let him. I wanted him intensely. I turned over to kiss his mouth for the first time. I had been fantasizing about this very moment for months. I ran my tongue just barely along his lower lip as he drank of my full, beautiful mouth. He cupped my breasts in his hands and twisted my nipples between his fingers while pressing his knee at my most secret place. Once he registered the moisture he knew I was ready. We looked into each others eyes and lightening blasted at full volume close by. He flipped me back over and pushed his huge cock into me while holding me tight and warm. It was the most incredible feeling ever. I pushed him away and out. I turned over and took the red blanket and hid underneath it. I explored with my hands to find what I wanted. I licked my lips and slowly began to take him into my mouth. The sounds he made were so sweet. Suddenly we heard people running toward the truck and we had to stop. I woke up melting into my covers alone in my night gown trying to think of a way to get back to the dream. I figure it's closest to the perfect lover I'm going to get. They're always so attentive and sexy in your dreams you know? You do not have to teach them how to do things right (not that there's anything wrong with that). They just know you, because it is you. Yet it is you in the form of your dream lover. How sweet that was. I want to go back.
Thursday, September 13, 2012
Heart Surgery
So my ex's new girlfriend and I aren't the best of friends and we don't really know each other all that well. Two days ago she sent me a message because she had a very intense dream and I was in it. What's so crazy about this is I've been feeling this pain in my heart due to lack of crushy blushy love in my life. Shawn Christie all but destroyed my ability to open up with guys. I'm lonely, but I want and deserve something amazing and beautiful. That's what I have to offer. It's not too much to hope for I think. I have been hurting while my friends are breaking up all around me. This dream is riddled with symbolism. I feel the universe is telling me to open up and free my heart. I am not sure what it takes for me to get to that place in my heart, but this interaction with her is a good start.
I took part of my day off from work today because I felt particularly tired. I decided to nap, which I rarely do. During that nap, I had one of the most intense dreams I can remember. You were in it, and I think you need to hear what happened.
You were a heart surgeon and I was your first assist. My job was to stand beside you during open-heart surgeries and hand you tools and sometimes correct you if you were about to make a critical error. Our scrubs were bright blue and we had surgical masks hanging casually around our necks. It was a group of 12 people, you and I included, and we were all scrubbing up for a heart transplant.
Often, when a donor heart arrives, the cardiothoracic team refers to it as Dr. (insert last name here)’s heart.
A deliveryman (UPS? FedEx? Who the fuck delivers organs?) barges in to the surgery suite, and shoves a box into the hands of a random nurse. After getting over the initial shock of a non-sterile intruder, you outstretch your clean, wet hands towards it.
“That’s mine,” you say sternly, “give it to me.”
The nurse hesitantly obeys, and you rip the package open revealing a human heart. We all stand there looking at it, half in awe, half in horror of the possible contamination. You reach down and pick it up, clutching it in your bare hands.
Then you sink your teeth into it.
You take HUGE, slow bites out of it. It seemed like you hadn’t eaten in 3 months, and this heart was the first bit of food you’d encountered. What was so shocking, though, was the blood. With each bite, BRIGHT red, freshly oxygenated blood poured from every coronary artery. It seeped between your fingers and ran down your forearms. It covered your face and neck. There was a puddle collecting on the floor.
The rest of the cardiothoracic team just stood there, shocked. Finally, I stopped you.
“Doctor, what the FUCK are you doing to your heart?”
You broke down after that. You began sobbing, and even put your face in your bloody hands.
“I fix people’s hearts. That’s my job,” you answered.
You peered at the mangled, half eaten heart now resting on the floor.
“Look at my heart now. Who is going to fix this?”
The rest of my dreaming was completely nonsensical, so I’ll leave it out.
I took part of my day off from work today because I felt particularly tired. I decided to nap, which I rarely do. During that nap, I had one of the most intense dreams I can remember. You were in it, and I think you need to hear what happened.
You were a heart surgeon and I was your first assist. My job was to stand beside you during open-heart surgeries and hand you tools and sometimes correct you if you were about to make a critical error. Our scrubs were bright blue and we had surgical masks hanging casually around our necks. It was a group of 12 people, you and I included, and we were all scrubbing up for a heart transplant.
Often, when a donor heart arrives, the cardiothoracic team refers to it as Dr. (insert last name here)’s heart.
A deliveryman (UPS? FedEx? Who the fuck delivers organs?) barges in to the surgery suite, and shoves a box into the hands of a random nurse. After getting over the initial shock of a non-sterile intruder, you outstretch your clean, wet hands towards it.
“That’s mine,” you say sternly, “give it to me.”
The nurse hesitantly obeys, and you rip the package open revealing a human heart. We all stand there looking at it, half in awe, half in horror of the possible contamination. You reach down and pick it up, clutching it in your bare hands.
Then you sink your teeth into it.
You take HUGE, slow bites out of it. It seemed like you hadn’t eaten in 3 months, and this heart was the first bit of food you’d encountered. What was so shocking, though, was the blood. With each bite, BRIGHT red, freshly oxygenated blood poured from every coronary artery. It seeped between your fingers and ran down your forearms. It covered your face and neck. There was a puddle collecting on the floor.
The rest of the cardiothoracic team just stood there, shocked. Finally, I stopped you.
“Doctor, what the FUCK are you doing to your heart?”
You broke down after that. You began sobbing, and even put your face in your bloody hands.
“I fix people’s hearts. That’s my job,” you answered.
You peered at the mangled, half eaten heart now resting on the floor.
“Look at my heart now. Who is going to fix this?”
The rest of my dreaming was completely nonsensical, so I’ll leave it out.
Monday, August 20, 2012
Dreaming along
I have always had such intense and vivid dreams my whole life. For the past twenty four years I've kept a dream log or journal off and on. I remember dreams from my childhood still to this day. I feel there's just something to this one so I'm posting it.
I dreamed of living in a crazy loft apt and Kelleen n Quinn had moved in while I was out at the grocery store. We were talking about their baby being on it's way while washed veggies in the sink. Quinn was watching dirt bike races on tv. Kellen and i were admiring the woodwork in the loft when the moulding around one of the thresholds I was leaning on just came clean off. I then realized the place was a set for a film. Next thing I know I've got a crew of friends coming to this restaurant I love (in dream space) and I hadn't paid it a visit in a long time. So we get inside and it's being run by these big stocky Russian ladies. They're not friendly and this one lady ushers us into a filthy lounge where the only open tables are too small and littered with the previous diners' dishes. The other people eating at the restaurant stopped abruptly and stared at us. One very chunky young woman in a short sun dress was sitting on her table exposing her polka dot pantied rear end to everyone with her family sitting at the table. I turned to face my hostess and asked her what happened to this place. She had lilac eyeshadow all over her face as if it were foundation. She snarled at me and grabbed me by the arm. I yanked my arm out of her grip and started yelling "Where's the manager of this place?!" I was so angry that she had laid hands on me. I stomped over to the register where this sullen old man was sitting looking absolutely drained of all happiness. I asked him for the owners info and told him they should all be ashamed of themselves for being so filthy and rude. I marched out hungry and still a bit cranky and walked to the parking lot to my group of friends waiting outside. Now before I was with people I've known all my life. My group had changed into a different bunch of people. In my dream I knew them, but in waking life I can't imagine who they are. There were three or four guys dressed like they were in a wedding or going to a business meeting. I carried on about how crazy that lady was for having purple powdered eyeshadow all over her face till this man interrupts me by handing me a coconut popsicle. Another guy is suddenly in front of me with a camera telling me to pose with it for a picture. I wrap my mouth around it and lasciviously suck the cold fruity goodness right off the stick in one motion. Then I blew them both a kiss, turned on my heel and sauntered off into a beautiful jewelry store across the parking lot. It had no storefront. I just walked right into this room with purple walls, green carpet and an orange ceiling. I held my chin up high as if I could afford anything in the place as I passed the lady running the store. At the far end of the room was the Tiffany show case. Now what's so strange to me in retrospect is I don't give a hoot about designer jewelry. I love sparkly things and antique jewelry, but I don't care much for diamonds. There were bracelets carved out of rare milky jades adorned with tiny diamonds and hand tooled flowers. The most impressive display was this mirrored wall with glass shelves. On each little shelf there were black velvet panther figurines with all diamond jewelry cleverly placed on their bodies. One wore a tennis bracelet worth thousands draped like a saddle blanket on it's back. Another had tiny diamond rings perched on each furry black ear. The all had bright diamond eyes. I suddenly startled awake for no reason really. My friend last night dreamed we were in a languid lagoon sipping tea while deep under water. She said there were trinkets everywhere and that my hair swirled in the water like ribbons of fire.
Life's been pretty crazy lately and it's been a spell since I've remembered my dreams. I'm glad I remembered this one and I'm glad she remembered hers too.
I dreamed of living in a crazy loft apt and Kelleen n Quinn had moved in while I was out at the grocery store. We were talking about their baby being on it's way while washed veggies in the sink. Quinn was watching dirt bike races on tv. Kellen and i were admiring the woodwork in the loft when the moulding around one of the thresholds I was leaning on just came clean off. I then realized the place was a set for a film. Next thing I know I've got a crew of friends coming to this restaurant I love (in dream space) and I hadn't paid it a visit in a long time. So we get inside and it's being run by these big stocky Russian ladies. They're not friendly and this one lady ushers us into a filthy lounge where the only open tables are too small and littered with the previous diners' dishes. The other people eating at the restaurant stopped abruptly and stared at us. One very chunky young woman in a short sun dress was sitting on her table exposing her polka dot pantied rear end to everyone with her family sitting at the table. I turned to face my hostess and asked her what happened to this place. She had lilac eyeshadow all over her face as if it were foundation. She snarled at me and grabbed me by the arm. I yanked my arm out of her grip and started yelling "Where's the manager of this place?!" I was so angry that she had laid hands on me. I stomped over to the register where this sullen old man was sitting looking absolutely drained of all happiness. I asked him for the owners info and told him they should all be ashamed of themselves for being so filthy and rude. I marched out hungry and still a bit cranky and walked to the parking lot to my group of friends waiting outside. Now before I was with people I've known all my life. My group had changed into a different bunch of people. In my dream I knew them, but in waking life I can't imagine who they are. There were three or four guys dressed like they were in a wedding or going to a business meeting. I carried on about how crazy that lady was for having purple powdered eyeshadow all over her face till this man interrupts me by handing me a coconut popsicle. Another guy is suddenly in front of me with a camera telling me to pose with it for a picture. I wrap my mouth around it and lasciviously suck the cold fruity goodness right off the stick in one motion. Then I blew them both a kiss, turned on my heel and sauntered off into a beautiful jewelry store across the parking lot. It had no storefront. I just walked right into this room with purple walls, green carpet and an orange ceiling. I held my chin up high as if I could afford anything in the place as I passed the lady running the store. At the far end of the room was the Tiffany show case. Now what's so strange to me in retrospect is I don't give a hoot about designer jewelry. I love sparkly things and antique jewelry, but I don't care much for diamonds. There were bracelets carved out of rare milky jades adorned with tiny diamonds and hand tooled flowers. The most impressive display was this mirrored wall with glass shelves. On each little shelf there were black velvet panther figurines with all diamond jewelry cleverly placed on their bodies. One wore a tennis bracelet worth thousands draped like a saddle blanket on it's back. Another had tiny diamond rings perched on each furry black ear. The all had bright diamond eyes. I suddenly startled awake for no reason really. My friend last night dreamed we were in a languid lagoon sipping tea while deep under water. She said there were trinkets everywhere and that my hair swirled in the water like ribbons of fire.
Life's been pretty crazy lately and it's been a spell since I've remembered my dreams. I'm glad I remembered this one and I'm glad she remembered hers too.
Monday, July 30, 2012
Might as well live
Yellow paper dress
Fragrant flower in my hair
Whiskey smoke tongue
licking sizzle chops
Bass on lock
moon roof open
smell of summer
contemplating
Swinging to the stars
Synchronized musical swayback
I nudge my slides off
Getting into the rhythm
Red shiny ribbons of spun silk
Thunder in tendrils
Back and forth
Back and forth
unknown territory
Enthralled
Elated
Rumbling with love
A thousand petals unfurl
From deep inside my core
Breath of life
Wanton
Ready
Yellow paper dress
Swirling up as I soar
Rustling soft baby chick yellow
Kissing my thighs
Feather touching my hips
Unveiling Vessa legs
Kicking in the wind
Toes spread
feet arched
Giggling at the dip
Upside down
Eyes open
Taut like a peach
About to burst forth
In this heat
Leaving little fires everywhere I go
Singing to myself
Gripping the silver flask
with my little pony legs
unscrewing the lid
Singing
Dreaming
Sipping
Always dancing
Fragrant flower in my hair
Whiskey smoke tongue
licking sizzle chops
Bass on lock
moon roof open
smell of summer
contemplating
Swinging to the stars
Synchronized musical swayback
I nudge my slides off
Getting into the rhythm
Red shiny ribbons of spun silk
Thunder in tendrils
Back and forth
Back and forth
unknown territory
Enthralled
Elated
Rumbling with love
A thousand petals unfurl
From deep inside my core
Breath of life
Wanton
Ready
Yellow paper dress
Swirling up as I soar
Rustling soft baby chick yellow
Kissing my thighs
Feather touching my hips
Unveiling Vessa legs
Kicking in the wind
Toes spread
feet arched
Giggling at the dip
Upside down
Eyes open
Taut like a peach
About to burst forth
In this heat
Leaving little fires everywhere I go
Singing to myself
Gripping the silver flask
with my little pony legs
unscrewing the lid
Singing
Dreaming
Sipping
Always dancing
Sunday, July 15, 2012
Notes found in my book
I'm using my phone to post so these past few are coming through all wonky. It's the only computer I have. So bear with me.......
I'll build my garden
You could come show me your horticultural skills.....
I think it sucks being lonely and being sad after getting my heart stomped, but as I reflect on the past year I'm thinking I'd rather be broken hearted, lonely and alone than broken hearted, lonely and still in a failing relationship…
Ferris Wheel chat-
The meat of the program is controlling all that switching You can look, but you can never look away The wheel has you. Smoke and whiskey isn't gonna get us anywhere Just don't be too bad or don't get caught… ……
I want to be surprised sometime, like I do when I come around. Someone to play with the braids I came with tonight. I want to be taken in better than I've ever known. Blow me away with the most formidable acumen and insight I've ever encountered... Tell me you not only understand, but can challenge me. I am so wild and impenetrable... …Animatronic Xmas deer yard decor are terrifying...... I need to be a black glitter shadow....... In generosity and helping others BE LIKE A RIVER
The meat of the program is controlling all that switching You can look, but you can never look away The wheel has you. Smoke and whiskey isn't gonna get us anywhere Just don't be too bad or don't get caught… ……
I want to be surprised sometime, like I do when I come around. Someone to play with the braids I came with tonight. I want to be taken in better than I've ever known. Blow me away with the most formidable acumen and insight I've ever encountered... Tell me you not only understand, but can challenge me. I am so wild and impenetrable... …Animatronic Xmas deer yard decor are terrifying...... I need to be a black glitter shadow....... In generosity and helping others BE LIKE A RIVER
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)