Friday, December 14, 2012

Today my heart beats hard

One year ago today I was distraught and filled with hurt thinking about the horrible experience of taking control of my fathers end of life care when, to my surprise, an old friend came to me with healing words and a familiar smile. I had almost forgotten him. He was from my home, he knew me already and we comforted each other for we both had been used up and scarred. He was older than me and a bit rough around the edges. I liked that about him. He was deeply wounded and filled with a longing to be in love. So he decided to love me. He courted me with words. He tried hard to make it work in his heart, but deep down he knew he was broken beyond repair. He kept at it though. He played along thinking it was possible still to love. He definitely enjoyed my attributes. I will do no good explaining further the positive aspects of this experience because the fact of the matter is that I feel absolutely gutted. I am not over what happened with this man and I'm trying to not dwell on it. I've never been hurt so bad. Two men plague my head space every minute of my day lately. I feel like I need an exorcism.