Tuesday, September 25, 2012

Found in an old journal

February 8, 2004

   I swore never to write any entries of a sexual nature in this journal, but alas, I cannot resist.  I'd burn for all eternity if could have the sinful pleasures I so desire.  If only there was a fantasy place where we were free to be any creature we wished. I would love to make love to him sheathed in immortal skin. I wish to fly through the darkness of night skies and seduce my prey. Pale, marble skin and crystal eyes flash in the moonlight.  My jaws twitch at the smell of blood pumping through live flesh. I've always had these fantasies.  It surprises me that even now I fantasize about such girlish notions.  I can hear and feel the pulse of another existence beneath the surface of reality. I imagine him as an animalistic, powerful demon. He takes me in his arms, sinks his teeth into my flesh and orgasms beyond human comprehension explode throughout my entire body. Waves of desire and lust overpower all previous feelings of fear. Let go Melissa...  Drift away to a secret, dark pit of sin. All the love of darkness filling my thoughts must mean something. It is so easy to romanticize the image of him. I've already changed him. Turned him into this powerful creature that really only exists in books and movies.

Studio kiss

In this dream I come to the studio in my little pale rose printed blouse and jeans. I'm wearing my painting apron the kids made me at the preschool. I walk up to the studio next to Seth's and edge toward the open door. There you sit at a large wooden desk. Busy with work. I peek very carefully over the threshold to see if it's really you. I see your beautiful face illuminated by the lamp. It's night and you've been tinkering with something that has you puzzled. I move back behind the wall out of sight. I'm not going in there. What am I doing? I should leave, but I don't. I wring my hands and bite my lip struggling to make a decision. So I walk away toward the stairwell to leave. As I begin to descend the marble steps I look back over my shoulder to see the light from your studio one last time. Only this time I see your eyes peering around the threshold in the warm light. I'm caught. I smile at you. You look hard and long into me. I come closer and you go back into the room. I walk in and you're at your desk in a big office chair. Your back is to the desk and you're eating some kind of candy. I take in your scent and my body responds. You have a studio mate and he's having a craft party. He and his friends are making costumes and weapons out of black, midnight blue and dark purple glow in the dark tape. I'm sitting in a chair next to you chatting with your friend. Hes very excited about this crazy sword he made. It's ridiculously long and I'm stifling laughter because he's so serious about it. He starts to dance and waves the sword around like he's a Kung Fu movie star. Then I feel myself being pulled backward in my chair into you. You spin my chair and you put me in your lap. You run your hands into my hair and breathe me in. I'm lying on my back in your arms looking up into your eyes. My feet are propped up on the desk. You ask me very quietly with your mouth so close to mine "What kind of magic did you bring with you to Washington?" I said I haven't shared ritual here with anyone yet. You lift my face to yours and say "It's time you did."  The last thing I remember is you telling me it's not a kiss if you're only sharing candy. You then put your mouth to mine and I reach for the sweet spheres you offer with my tongue. One by one you slowly move these delicious little round candies into my mouth. I try hard not to kiss you, but our lips are sweet and molten lava is swelling in my chest. I very carefully move my lips along yours never breaking the seal and letting the candies flow from you to me. I suck the very tip of your tongue as I take another candy. You kiss back slow and careful. We kissed for hours it seemed. I woke up with your arms still wrapped around me drinking from my mouth.

Monday, September 17, 2012

Farm lover

Over the past two nights I've had some intense dreams.  I feel like letting them out here. Last night I dreamed I was floating around on a pool raft naked looking for a place to tether myself so I could play with myself while floating. It was a warm, sunny afternoon and the wind in the trees was all I could hear.  I was very afraid of being caught.  I was floating around a flooded building outside.  As if there had been a massive flood and the water level went up to the first floor inside and out.  The water was clear and Caribbean blue.  I had friends there floating and tethered taking naps.  I had to avoid them for fear of being caught as well.  There were demons on the roof and they were going to eat me if they found me.

 This next dream is especially weird because it's about someone I've never met in person.  Social networks on mobile devices and computers have brought a new way of communicating to the table for everyone using them.  I have formed cyber relations in different places with tons of people all over the world. Mainly on sights that share photos.  I have never dreamed of any of these people until the other night.  

The night before last....
 I dreamed it was dark and smelled of a storm front outside. There were wild flowers and tall grasses whipping in the wind making this oceanic sound.  We were on a farm and the animals were really loud because they were getting spooked.  The air was charged with electricity.  I was with this man in the cab of a farm truck,we were under a soft, red blanket. He breathed on my neck and pushed his body close to spoon mine.  My back was to him and he began kissing my shoulders and caressing my hips. He delicately pulled the shoulders of my night gown down to reveal my back. I could feel his breath on my spine which made me shudder and writhe.  I felt his calloused hands start to explore my thighs as he said my name into my ear. My night gown was being pulled up to my waist and he gripped it tight so as to hold me in place. I felt the fabric stretch across my belly as he pressed his manhood against my round, delicious ass.  I wasn't supposed to be with him.  He was off limits.  I felt him grip a handful of my hair.  He slowly pulled at it hard at the scalp as he  played with my body.  I couldn't help but let him.  I wanted him intensely. I turned over to kiss his mouth for the first time. I had been fantasizing about this very moment for months.  I ran my tongue just barely along his lower lip as he drank of my full, beautiful mouth.  He cupped my breasts in his hands and twisted my nipples between his fingers while pressing his knee at my most secret place.  Once he registered the moisture he knew I was ready.  We looked into each others eyes and lightening blasted at full volume close by. He flipped me back over and pushed his huge cock into me while holding me tight and warm.  It was the most incredible feeling ever.  I pushed him away and out. I turned over and took the red blanket and hid underneath it.  I explored with my hands to find what I wanted.  I licked my lips and slowly began to take him into my mouth.  The sounds he made were so sweet. Suddenly we heard people running toward the truck and we had to stop.  I woke up melting into my covers alone in my night gown trying to think of a way to get back to the dream.  I figure it's closest to the perfect lover I'm going to get.  They're always so attentive and sexy in your dreams you know?  You do not have to teach them how to do things right (not that there's anything wrong with that).  They just know you, because it is you.  Yet it is you in the form of your dream lover.  How sweet that was.  I want to go back.

Thursday, September 13, 2012

Heart Surgery

So my ex's new girlfriend and I aren't the best of friends and we don't really know each other all that well.  Two days ago she sent me a message because she had a very intense dream and I was in it.  What's so crazy about this is I've been feeling this pain in my heart due to lack of crushy blushy love in my life.  Shawn Christie all but destroyed my ability to open up with guys.  I'm lonely, but I want and deserve something amazing and beautiful.  That's what I have to offer.  It's not too much to hope for I think.  I have been hurting while my friends are breaking up all around me.  This dream is riddled with symbolism.  I feel the universe is telling me to open up and free my heart.  I am not sure what it takes for me to get to that place in my heart, but this interaction with her is a good start.

I took part of my day off from work today because I felt particularly tired. I decided to nap, which I rarely do. During that nap, I had one of the most intense dreams I can remember. You were in it, and I think you need to hear what happened.

You were a heart surgeon and I was your first assist. My job was to stand beside you during open-heart surgeries and hand you tools and sometimes correct you if you were about to make a critical error. Our scrubs were bright blue and we had surgical masks hanging casually around our necks. It was a group of 12 people, you and I included, and we were all scrubbing up for a heart transplant.

Often, when a donor heart arrives, the cardiothoracic team refers to it as Dr. (insert last name here)’s heart.

A deliveryman (UPS? FedEx? Who the fuck delivers organs?) barges in to the surgery suite, and shoves a box into the hands of a random nurse. After getting over the initial shock of a non-sterile intruder, you outstretch your clean, wet hands towards it.

“That’s mine,” you say sternly, “give it to me.”

The nurse hesitantly obeys, and you rip the package open revealing a human heart. We all stand there looking at it, half in awe, half in horror of the possible contamination. You reach down and pick it up, clutching it in your bare hands.

Then you sink your teeth into it.

You take HUGE, slow bites out of it. It seemed like you hadn’t eaten in 3 months, and this heart was the first bit of food you’d encountered. What was so shocking, though, was the blood. With each bite, BRIGHT red, freshly oxygenated blood poured from every coronary artery. It seeped between your fingers and ran down your forearms. It covered your face and neck. There was a puddle collecting on the floor.

The rest of the cardiothoracic team just stood there, shocked. Finally, I stopped you.

“Doctor, what the FUCK are you doing to your heart?”

You broke down after that. You began sobbing, and even put your face in your bloody hands.

“I fix people’s hearts. That’s my job,” you answered.

You peered at the mangled, half eaten heart now resting on the floor.

“Look at my heart now. Who is going to fix this?”

The rest of my dreaming was completely nonsensical, so I’ll leave it out.