Sunday, March 25, 2012

March 26th 2012 Jupiter, Venus, waxing crescent

Venus, Jupiter and the waxing crescent moon aligned this evening just after dusk.  I went to the studio to paint and had to succumb to the evil cold that has been threatening to take my energy to live for months. I'm going to have to master a table saw and cut a straight line in order to get cracking on the art show.  I know I don't have much time before the art space will be bustling with activity. The sun was out in all it's radiant glory for a few hours today. I am going to drag my baby pool right up to the dock doors and lay in it every weekend for the whole summer if I can manage it.  I can't wait for the weather to change. It's colder in Ballard compared to Capitol Hill.  I HATE living in Ballard, but I do love seeing the stars and swinging in the park at night with out the worry of being mugged.  I have been living in my new place for almost five months now. Alex is a huge part of how I have survived the sad break up with Jeff.  I am very grateful to have such a loving and intelligent being be my son.  I've had so much more alone time since the move.  I realized yesterday that I haven't really had the chance to be a young woman on her own ever.  I had my son at twenty one.  I'm still young, but not so young that I will be dangerous or stupid.  I feel I'll always be wild, daring and free to some extent.  I love my life and am enjoying growing into this version of myself that I dreamed I'd maybe be one day.  I was locked in a perpetual state of insecurity and fear of abandonment for so many years.  Now I see that.  I didn't before.  The same question still plagues my soul....
How to make love stay?

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